So much for Resolutions!

Here it is eleven days into 2011 and I'm bruised and battered from the long fall from the resolution wagon! As you know if you've checked this blog lately, my hope of posting at least twice a week (Tuesday and Saturday) has taken a long vacation. This is dismaying especially in light of the begging email I sent out asking for followers, before I disappeared over the edge of the world without further notice.
     What made me doubly conscious of my decline was feasting on my second piece of chocolate cake this morning. Does the fact that it was my breakfast, I preceded this devilish delight with my typical four mile walk and brushed my teeth for a second time after succumbing to this pleasure count at all in my favor?
    The good thing about resolutions is they are not just for New Years, so I hereby pledge to renew my posts and eat right and get on with all of the other things I resolved!
    As a way to banish the grayness of January (which I blame for my aforementioned shortcomings), here are a few funnyisms:
     My mother: After receiving days on end of phone calls for "Jacques," (a foreign translation of Jack, my step-father), who had won $185,000 and would collect as soon as $400 was sent by Western Union to an address in Jamaica, my mother complained to the phone company. Being the phone company, and with an eye for further profits, they recommended my mother subscribe to caller ID so she could avoid these noxious calls--not withstanding most of these callers are not identified in the first place! My mother complied. Her first call so aided with this new wonder in technology was from my sister Bonnie, in Montana. Having never been acquainted with caller ID before, my mother pushed the "talk" button first, then checked to see what number showed on the screen. As no number appeared, she said, "There's no number here. How do I know who it's from?" On hearing the faint screams of my sister saying, "Mom, it's me. Don't hang up," my mother realized she could confidently answer the call.
     My mother (again) (no disrespect intended, but she provides such useful fodder!): While my sister Bonnie, her daughter, Cathy and I were visiting my mother recently, my mother received a call on her home telephone. By this time the procedure to check the caller ID screen before answering the phone had been learned and my mother said, "Oh, it's just Jack calling from the bedroom upstairs." She answered the phone and after scolding him for being lazy, continued with the conversation--by walking up the stairs and entering the bedroom.  Bonnie, Cathy and I looked at each other and smiled, but moments later when we heard Jack say, "I'm right here," and Mom say, "Oh, yes. Well, goodbye," before hanging up the phone, we couldn't contain our laughter.
     My husband, Mike, while caught wearing a watch on both wrists: "Well, this one had the wrong date."
     My five-year-old granddaughter Dylan:  Somehow the logic of being old and having white hair had become a sure death sentence to Dylan and she asked me one day, "Grammy, will you cut your white hair, so you won't die?" "Honey, if I cut my white hair I won't have any left," I said. "Well, can't you just cut it like Papa's (Mike, whose hair is 1/4 inch long!), so you won't die?" After a silent chuckle, I assured her I wasn't going to die soon--and I intend to keep my promise. (Okay! No more chocolate cake for breakfast!)
     My seven-year-old grandson Justin talking to Grandpa Mike: "Grandpa, who's your favorite out of Zac, Ryan and me?" Grandpa: "I love you very much, Jay, but it wouldn't be right to say you're my favorite. Zac and Ryan would get their feeling hurt. It would be like me asking you who's your favorite between me and Grammy." To which Jay responded: "You are Grandpa!" I still love him, even if he loves Grandpa better.
     See. The sun is brighter now, and if I look right straight up I can see blue sky! Hope your day is filled with sunshine and joy.