Following my COLONOSCOPY yesterday, I felt like Mrs. Rip Van Winkle; it took me all day to emerge from a doped up feelings. I expected to be all cheerful at having it behind me (no pun intended!) and coming home and being a bundle of activity. But, instead a slug took over my body. I couldn't find the couch and a blanket fast enough and dozed off immediately. I'd wake long enough to make a trip to the bathroom, eat or drink something (thanks to Mike), then doze some more. The strange part was with each period of sleep, the dreams became more bizarre, including having my dead step-mother very much alive and showing up at my door unannounced. Talk about a nightmare!
But, (again no pun intended) I passed the test with flying colors and the GI doc said I don't need to come back for ten years!!!! Yippee! Perhaps by then they'll develop an exterior method of checking your colon--though I imagine you'll still have to go through that nasty prep to make sure your pipes are clean and shiny.
Our doc told us a story of a woman who came in for the procedure, who was very angry with him. It seems she did NOT read the prep instructions which include not eating solid food (clear liquids only) the day before and starting the prep at six the evening prior to the exam. Perhaps the instructions don't spell out the need to remain VERY close to a potty, but if something is meant to clean you out, it has to go somewhere!
So, the lady explained to the doctor how embarrassed she was the evening before the procedure when she ordered a meal at a restaurant and then spent the next two hours in the restroom. She hadn't been able to eat her meal or visit with her friends! As the saying goes: they live among us! (And drive, and vote and carry weapons, AND have children!!)
Now that I've made this sound like so much fun, PLEASE GET CHECKED. It's worth it all to know you're squeaky clean--and they give you photos to prove it!
Happy day.
This space will consist of ramblings, funnies and thoughts. Hopefully I'll be here (at least) once a week. If you enjoy reading my blog, please forward my address to others. See you again soon. Thanks, Lynda
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Snaggle Tooth
My dentist advised I'm experiencing another wonderful benefit of aging--my teeth are all moving toward the center, giving me a snaggle tooth appearance. My last encounter with orthodontics left much to be desired, but maybe I'll get luckier this time. At least the last one left me with a funny story.
About six months into my previous treatment, which required a hefty down payment, I noticed my bite didn't match. When I mentioned this to the orthodontist, he explained in a rather pedantic tone that I could either have straight teeth or a bite, but not both. I set out to obtain a second and third opinion, and possible validation for recourse if Dr. X would not refund my money.
On the day of my appointment for the first consultation, I ran into road construction. When two lanes narrowed down to one, drivers began the every-other-car routine. The car next to me went, then I attempted to go, but another driver cut in. As it was my turn, I pushed to stay in place, but when fenders came within inches, I gave way. I looked at the female driver, held my palm up and said, "Go ahead." She flipped me off! I fumed, but slipped in behind her. As the construction cleared, I lost sight of Ms. In a Hurry, but saw her car when I turned into the orthodontist's lot. When I entered the building, there she sat at the reception desk, smiling like she'd never seen me before.
Oh, and just for the record, both the second and third opinion doctors said my orthodontist was wrong and should refund my down payment. Would they put it in writing? "Well, ah, well, you see, ah, I don't think I'd feel comfortable doing that."
So, perhaps I'll be a snaggle tooth until I find a GREAT orthodontist!
About six months into my previous treatment, which required a hefty down payment, I noticed my bite didn't match. When I mentioned this to the orthodontist, he explained in a rather pedantic tone that I could either have straight teeth or a bite, but not both. I set out to obtain a second and third opinion, and possible validation for recourse if Dr. X would not refund my money.
On the day of my appointment for the first consultation, I ran into road construction. When two lanes narrowed down to one, drivers began the every-other-car routine. The car next to me went, then I attempted to go, but another driver cut in. As it was my turn, I pushed to stay in place, but when fenders came within inches, I gave way. I looked at the female driver, held my palm up and said, "Go ahead." She flipped me off! I fumed, but slipped in behind her. As the construction cleared, I lost sight of Ms. In a Hurry, but saw her car when I turned into the orthodontist's lot. When I entered the building, there she sat at the reception desk, smiling like she'd never seen me before.
Oh, and just for the record, both the second and third opinion doctors said my orthodontist was wrong and should refund my down payment. Would they put it in writing? "Well, ah, well, you see, ah, I don't think I'd feel comfortable doing that."
So, perhaps I'll be a snaggle tooth until I find a GREAT orthodontist!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Lyn-Duh!
The cold I've had is losing its grip, hallelujah! so after today I'm hopeful I can get back to my Tuesday/Saturday post schedule.
Everyone loves a laugh, but how many of us love laughing at ourselves??? Not me, but some of the stuff I do is too dumb to keep. Here are some recent examples:
Everyone loves a laugh, but how many of us love laughing at ourselves??? Not me, but some of the stuff I do is too dumb to keep. Here are some recent examples:
- I broke the cardinal rule of turning while driving last week: look right twice, and left once. I looked right--NO cars anywhere in sight. Looked left--several cars two blocks away. I started making my left turn and out of nowhere a pickup truck appeared in front of me, from the right! I have no idea where that guy came from! We both stopped (several feet from point of impact), but instead of completing his turn (he DID have the right of way), the pickup driver just sat and glared at me. I know I was in the wrong, but what was I supposed to do at that point?? A car had pulled up behind me--I couldn't go back; the pickup blocked a right turn, and the cars from the left were approaching. Finally I just stepped on the gas and continued my left turn, while the pickup driver sat blocking at least one of the lanes for the approaching vehicles. Perhaps I scared the begebbers out of him and it took a while to get his shaking hands under control. Since there were no screeching tires, no horns, no contact, I didn't pull over after I completed the turn, wishing instead to just slither away with my lesson learned. If you're reading this pickup driver, I'm sorry!
- Same night ( I guess you could call this a bad day!). I set out my night pills and stored my morning pills in a little container. Then I opened the container, swallowed the morning pills and stood looking at the night pills on the counter! Hopefully they all worked out which way they were supposed to go and when, because I'm still here. Come to think of it, that was the day this cold started...
- The second Thursday of every month is a set date with some of my friends--so set that occasionally I don't mark it on the calendar. Big mistake. When another invitation came along this week, I accepted--after all there was nothing on the calendar! DUH!!! (See my mother knew what I'd be like when she named me!)
Monday, February 7, 2011
A New Post
No post Saturday. No post Sunday, and only a very short post today before I head back to bed. Last week a virus attacked me leaving me with a sore throat, head and body aches, the whole gamut of a drippy, stuffy nose (how can it do both at the same time!!??), coughs and sneezes--plus my belly doesn't feel well either. I swear this developed because my mother introduced me as her sister (!!) last week and my immune system shattered from the shock.
So. Now that I've said hi, I'm off to bed again. Hopefully I'll be able to post some "Lyn-duhs" tomorrow.
PS. My mother-in-law, Maralyn, told me she has the same thing--and has had for two weeks!! If I'm not better in a week, will someone please come shoot me??
So. Now that I've said hi, I'm off to bed again. Hopefully I'll be able to post some "Lyn-duhs" tomorrow.
PS. My mother-in-law, Maralyn, told me she has the same thing--and has had for two weeks!! If I'm not better in a week, will someone please come shoot me??
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
A Beautiful Day
Today dawned cold, crisp and clear--a big change from this past weekend when Northern Utah suffered under a red smog alert. Left over fall leaves are being pushed south and snow on the mountains framed in my window is being blown into billowing puffs. It's a wonderful view--from inside. Outside the briskness lowered the wind-chill factor to the minus range. But...I'm not complaining. I'm warm and toasty looking out at it.
Today turned out different than I expected it would yesterday, as I anticipated my five year colonoscopy appointment this morning. As you all know, it isn't the physical "act" of whatever goes up your a**, it's the prep. I fasted all day on clear, no red or purple dyed drinks and was about to mix that wonderfully cleansing cocktail called MoviPrep when I checked over the instructions one last time and discovered my appointment wasn't until the 15th!! It might have felt like relief, except it's still ahead of me. I even rejoiced in perhaps shedding a few (of the many) unwanted pounds until I began compensating for going hungry all day by eating breakfast, lunch and dinner in one sitting.
How could the 1st and 15th get mixed up? If you're not already where I am in age, you'll find out soon enough. My email inbox is full of charming movies or clever comments on the wonders of losing your memory. I think I've seen them all before (haven't I?), but it's a nice reminder that I'm not alone in this hide and seek "golden" age.
I told my mother-in-law, Maralyn, when I REALLY start losing my memory I'm going to jump off a curb so my kids won't have to listen to the same story 15 times a day. "Honey," she said, "by then you won't remember what you're supposed to do." Ain't it the truth!
Enjoy the day, whether you can remember it tomorrow or not! :} As Mae West said: "Old age ain't for sissies." I'm a believer.
Today turned out different than I expected it would yesterday, as I anticipated my five year colonoscopy appointment this morning. As you all know, it isn't the physical "act" of whatever goes up your a**, it's the prep. I fasted all day on clear, no red or purple dyed drinks and was about to mix that wonderfully cleansing cocktail called MoviPrep when I checked over the instructions one last time and discovered my appointment wasn't until the 15th!! It might have felt like relief, except it's still ahead of me. I even rejoiced in perhaps shedding a few (of the many) unwanted pounds until I began compensating for going hungry all day by eating breakfast, lunch and dinner in one sitting.
How could the 1st and 15th get mixed up? If you're not already where I am in age, you'll find out soon enough. My email inbox is full of charming movies or clever comments on the wonders of losing your memory. I think I've seen them all before (haven't I?), but it's a nice reminder that I'm not alone in this hide and seek "golden" age.
I told my mother-in-law, Maralyn, when I REALLY start losing my memory I'm going to jump off a curb so my kids won't have to listen to the same story 15 times a day. "Honey," she said, "by then you won't remember what you're supposed to do." Ain't it the truth!
Enjoy the day, whether you can remember it tomorrow or not! :} As Mae West said: "Old age ain't for sissies." I'm a believer.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Help. I need a laugh!
I Melt with You, the title of the Sundance screening I viewed while working as an usher last night, left me depressed. Besides the 3k decibel background music (I plugged my ears with my fingers through 3/4 of the movie!) this darkly intense, drug-weekend gone wrong, demoralizing movie seemed to me to contain no redeeming educational or entertainment value. The faces of the audience members as they left the theatre (both those who fled early and those who suffered to the bitter end) matched my mood.
This, coupled with distressing news from a dear friend this morning, left me in dire need of a laugh. With gloom overcoming any funny, creative imagination I could conjure, I turned to the past. Many of you may have heard this (true) tale, but it still might add a little sunshine to your day.
Being a long-distance grandma, I jumped at the chance to stay overnight with then, 2 1/2 year old twins Dylan and Cole while I visited a few years ago. My daughter Shannon and her husband Scott deserved some alone time, and I needed to bond with the kids. Perfect! Or so it seemed until two hours before the parents were due to arrive home.
Dylan, a beautiful little girl with curly chestnut locks, and Cole, a handsome superhero with golden curly hair, played outside while I made lunch. I checked on them every few minutes from the window and all seemed well. They moved from the backyard to the living room as I finished preparing their plates.
"Who's ready for lunch?" I called from the kitchen.
"Wash hands," said Dylan, to my amazement. They are learning, I thought.
Perhaps you can imagine my face as I rounded the corner and observed the twins sitting in a pile of dirt, Cole sitting wide-eyed with dirt falling from his blonde head as he turned to look at me, and Dylan, laughing, with the rest of the bucket of dirt overturned, princess-hat-style on her auburn head. The executive decision I made was undoubtedly the wrong one, as I felt the strong need to remove the dirt before it became one with the light-colored carpet. How different the scenario if I had just washed the kids and put sat them at the table while I swept up the mess. But...I thought the kids were afraid of the vacuum and instead chose to put them in their bedroom (at that time they were still unable to open the door to escape). I laughed and tried to let them know this was not meant as time out, and hurried to retrieve the vacuum. Most of the offending dirt responded to suction and within minutes the carpet reappeared. Once the vacuum was stowed, I went to retrieve the kids for lunch.
Now, I swear the process took less than five minutes, however my previous shock was multiplied ten-fold when, after pushing away objects blocking the door, I stuck my head in the room. Every book was off the shelf. Every item had been pulled out of drawers. Beds were bare of all blankets and pillows. Toy boxes had been over-turned. The train and village from the train table were scattered all over the floor, and the train table was overturned. And, Dylan (not liking messy pants) had removed her dirty diaper (poop also appearing within said five minutes) and had moved to no less than three sitting places after being bare-bottomed!
After seating the kids at the table and cleaning up poop, I closed their bedroom door and reached for a bottle of wine.
This, coupled with distressing news from a dear friend this morning, left me in dire need of a laugh. With gloom overcoming any funny, creative imagination I could conjure, I turned to the past. Many of you may have heard this (true) tale, but it still might add a little sunshine to your day.
Being a long-distance grandma, I jumped at the chance to stay overnight with then, 2 1/2 year old twins Dylan and Cole while I visited a few years ago. My daughter Shannon and her husband Scott deserved some alone time, and I needed to bond with the kids. Perfect! Or so it seemed until two hours before the parents were due to arrive home.
Dylan, a beautiful little girl with curly chestnut locks, and Cole, a handsome superhero with golden curly hair, played outside while I made lunch. I checked on them every few minutes from the window and all seemed well. They moved from the backyard to the living room as I finished preparing their plates.
"Who's ready for lunch?" I called from the kitchen.
"Wash hands," said Dylan, to my amazement. They are learning, I thought.
Perhaps you can imagine my face as I rounded the corner and observed the twins sitting in a pile of dirt, Cole sitting wide-eyed with dirt falling from his blonde head as he turned to look at me, and Dylan, laughing, with the rest of the bucket of dirt overturned, princess-hat-style on her auburn head. The executive decision I made was undoubtedly the wrong one, as I felt the strong need to remove the dirt before it became one with the light-colored carpet. How different the scenario if I had just washed the kids and put sat them at the table while I swept up the mess. But...I thought the kids were afraid of the vacuum and instead chose to put them in their bedroom (at that time they were still unable to open the door to escape). I laughed and tried to let them know this was not meant as time out, and hurried to retrieve the vacuum. Most of the offending dirt responded to suction and within minutes the carpet reappeared. Once the vacuum was stowed, I went to retrieve the kids for lunch.
Now, I swear the process took less than five minutes, however my previous shock was multiplied ten-fold when, after pushing away objects blocking the door, I stuck my head in the room. Every book was off the shelf. Every item had been pulled out of drawers. Beds were bare of all blankets and pillows. Toy boxes had been over-turned. The train and village from the train table were scattered all over the floor, and the train table was overturned. And, Dylan (not liking messy pants) had removed her dirty diaper (poop also appearing within said five minutes) and had moved to no less than three sitting places after being bare-bottomed!
After seating the kids at the table and cleaning up poop, I closed their bedroom door and reached for a bottle of wine.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
IT HAPPENS
Yesterday was one of those weird energy days. Thankfully, it didn't start out that way. It waited until I left the house. The first instance occurred when I tried to pull out of the library. I had plenty of room (I swear!), but the oncoming driver decided to speed up and honk rather than slow down. Hmm. Would you really rather crash into another car just to prove you were in the right? I made the turn before he hit me, and I didn't push the odds by trying to make eye contact with him.
Once I arrived for my volunteer shift for the Sundance Film Festival, tension only mounted. Peery's Egyptian Theatre was screening My Idiot Brother to a sold out crowd (800 +), plus 70 die-hards who braved the cold and hours of waiting for a chance to get in--they didn't. Now the theatre has a policy of "No Seat Saving," which generally means two people can't arrive early and save a whole row for friends who arrive late. However, when you arrive early, find a great seat and then nature (or popcorn) calls, you might think you would be okay to leave your coat on your chair. Not so for several last night, who returned to find coats on the floor and defiant seat occupants not willing to relinquish a good seat. Add to that those who came late who also expected a great seat and got a little testy when only the front row was available. One "gentleman" asked about seats at the back. When it was explained those seats were reserved for volunteers who performed a role in the theatre (ushers, door keepers, etc.), the "gentleman" complained, "So volunteers have priority over paid ticket holders?"
With a great movie and lots of laughter from the audience, things settled down--or so I thought, but this weird energy wasn't through. Driving home on a stretch of 50 MPH highway, a guy in dark clothes attempted to dart across the street in front of me. I did not see him until he turned around and headed back to the curb--where he began waving his arms as if to draw attention to himself to get traffic to stop. As no one could see him, no one stopped. My heart did though once I realized how close I had come to hitting the guy without even seeing him.
As I neared home I smelled smoke and saw an ambulance and firetruck on a street near mine. From my angle I couldn't observe what was going on (nor did I try as there was enough traffic congestion already), but I added the weight of someones misfortune to my already anxious heart and only breathed a sigh of relief when I reached home and closed the garage door, sealing that weird energy out!
I expect only good things today, though I'm somewhat concerned about leaving home. One of the perks of being a Sundance volunteer is getting a few tickets to shows. Since I'm not working tonight I can watch "The Music Never Stopped" (about a man whose memory is damaged by a brain tumor and music from his past is his only window for reengaging with the world), and not care if fistfights erupt around me! Wish me luck.
Once I arrived for my volunteer shift for the Sundance Film Festival, tension only mounted. Peery's Egyptian Theatre was screening My Idiot Brother to a sold out crowd (800 +), plus 70 die-hards who braved the cold and hours of waiting for a chance to get in--they didn't. Now the theatre has a policy of "No Seat Saving," which generally means two people can't arrive early and save a whole row for friends who arrive late. However, when you arrive early, find a great seat and then nature (or popcorn) calls, you might think you would be okay to leave your coat on your chair. Not so for several last night, who returned to find coats on the floor and defiant seat occupants not willing to relinquish a good seat. Add to that those who came late who also expected a great seat and got a little testy when only the front row was available. One "gentleman" asked about seats at the back. When it was explained those seats were reserved for volunteers who performed a role in the theatre (ushers, door keepers, etc.), the "gentleman" complained, "So volunteers have priority over paid ticket holders?"
With a great movie and lots of laughter from the audience, things settled down--or so I thought, but this weird energy wasn't through. Driving home on a stretch of 50 MPH highway, a guy in dark clothes attempted to dart across the street in front of me. I did not see him until he turned around and headed back to the curb--where he began waving his arms as if to draw attention to himself to get traffic to stop. As no one could see him, no one stopped. My heart did though once I realized how close I had come to hitting the guy without even seeing him.
As I neared home I smelled smoke and saw an ambulance and firetruck on a street near mine. From my angle I couldn't observe what was going on (nor did I try as there was enough traffic congestion already), but I added the weight of someones misfortune to my already anxious heart and only breathed a sigh of relief when I reached home and closed the garage door, sealing that weird energy out!
I expect only good things today, though I'm somewhat concerned about leaving home. One of the perks of being a Sundance volunteer is getting a few tickets to shows. Since I'm not working tonight I can watch "The Music Never Stopped" (about a man whose memory is damaged by a brain tumor and music from his past is his only window for reengaging with the world), and not care if fistfights erupt around me! Wish me luck.
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